Sunday, June 8, 2008

Mom and Dad's answering machine



Alright, raise your hand if you've ever called mom and dad's and gotten their answering machine. Okay, now raise your hand if you've ever heard the guy's voice that informs you that mom and dad are unavailable to you at the moment and instructs you to leave a message. Okay, now raise your hand if you feel like the guy is going to hit on you.

"Helloooo," he says in his smooth voice, "What's your sign, Baby?"

You hesitate. Is this answering machine guy for real? Is he really hitting on me? "Uh, Scorpio," you say because even though he is creepy, there's no reason to be dishonest. He's just a machine recorded voice on the phone. In fact, you called him, so you could even give him your credit card number, ss number, and various other personally identifying information.

"Oooh," he says and sucks air through his teeth. "Perrrfect. I'm a Cancer."

Something about him being a cancer should be offputting, but still, you hear that smile in his voice telling you "You know you really called to talk to me, Sweet, but we'll go on with this pretense that you wanted to talk to your mom."

"Go on and leave a message," he entices. "I'll see," he pauses for effect, "that they receive it."

You get a funny picture in your mind of a man sitting at mom and dad's computer, dressed in a suit, jacket off and thrown over the back of mom and dad's chair, necktie loosened, sleeves rolled up, deliberatley pressing the record button on the machine as you begin speaking your message, and with great attention to detail and in heroic devotion to his employers then jotting down your message word for word as you speak. But the creepy part is he's doodling your name by it.

Does anyone else feel like this when they get mom and dad's machine?

3 comments:

Dave said...

If I ever catch Marty over here he's a real gonner.

Kristin and Steve said...

Dave...I think your wife needs more attention...you know....Sexually....!

Heather said...

I totally agree! (With the creepy guy on the answering machine...not with the fact that you need more sexual attention...that's between you and Dave!) It's just weird to call them and get the machine!