I must be avenged!

Dave, you must avenge me! That piece of crap bird that has been squeaking and squaking in an attempt to keep me from her babies, whereever they may be laying in wait to hatch (or whatever), has attacked me!
It is to the point where I am a little afraid to go outside to water my flowers. This was my conversation with the bird yesterday.

Bird: squawk, squawk get out of here squawk!

Me: Listen bird, I'm just watering the plants.

Bird: squeek squawk beat it loser

Me: Hey, we don't want no squatters on the proprataw. You beat it.

Bird: chirp chirp chirp sqeeeeeek squak I'm warning you.

Me: I'm real scared. Look, I don't want to eat your babies. I promise not to; that should be enough for you.

Bird: squaaaaaaaaak kakaw kakaw this is war

Me: Sheesh, you're a pretty stupid bird.

Bird attacks usually consist of swoops, dives and chases by common yard birds,
such as mockingbirds, blackbirds and bluejays...Other forms of attacks include
vocal castigations from perching birds; "mobbing" or ganging-up on the victim,
which crows may do; or intentional defecation or regurgitation on the victim,
which may occur in areas of concentration, such as rookeries.
At first it was just the squawks. So Dave turned the hose on her. She was gone for a few days and then she came back and brought friends, three of them. I tried to ignore her, but today she dove at my head and flapped me with her wings. Can you believe the nerve of the squatting bird? She doesn't even pay rent here. According to the article quoted above, the only thing left for her to do is intentionally defacate or regurgitate on me. This is war. We will see who intentionally defacates on who.


Dave said…

As we were coming inside tonight, it swooshed me. Me and 'ol blue will have to have a Mexican standoff, only we ain't got no 'Mexsicans.

How do you take your bird, fried or just dead? I want it to go away soon. I was able to get one box of flowers but I will have to take a high power water hose to rescue the other box. Stoopid bird, I would hate to see you go to jail for taking down a flying bird just so you could take a duke on it.
Emily said…
Sounds like the begining of Hitchcock's classic. Just remember to protect your eyes! Zach looks like he is having a blast with his bear. I love the picture of the kids. They are quite the photographers!
Dan said…
The image of a 3 foot long 1x6 came into my mind as the best defense against a bird. Maybe you could drive a nail or two through it to penetrate the feathers...
Amy said…
So I just went out to get the mail, and guess who I met? Your crazy bird. She is seriously mental. She was circling my head and yeling at me. I got kind of scared. We should put up a warning sign or something.
Lisa said…
Misty, you crack me up! I just wanted you to know that. I love your blog!
Amy said…
Umm... yeah I got attacked too. Not really attacked, but mocked by some bird! And I was just getting my mail! tell the dang bird we're just getting the mail when you see it again, thanks!
I'm surprised no one has thought of this already...Scare Crow. Maybe giving the finger or something like that.
Amy said…
Got swooped at again yesterday getting the mail. I had to totally duck out of the way. I hope no one saw 'cause it probably looked really pathetic. But I'm getting really annoyed. If I wasn't also trying to get a sleeping child from the car into the house I would have started pelting rocks at it. It even had the nerve to perch on top of MY roof afterwards and make sure I was going inside. If it keeps this up much longer I think I'll call animal control and demand they take action.