I must be avenged!

Dave, you must avenge me! That piece of crap bird that has been squeaking and squaking in an attempt to keep me from her babies, whereever they may be laying in wait to hatch (or whatever), has attacked me!
It is to the point where I am a little afraid to go outside to water my flowers. This was my conversation with the bird yesterday.

Bird: squawk, squawk get out of here squawk!

Me: Listen bird, I'm just watering the plants.

Bird: squeek squawk beat it loser

Me: Hey, we don't want no squatters on the proprataw. You beat it.

Bird: chirp chirp chirp sqeeeeeek squak I'm warning you.

Me: I'm real scared. Look, I don't want to eat your babies. I promise not to; that should be enough for you.

Bird: squaaaaaaaaak kakaw kakaw this is war

Me: Sheesh, you're a pretty stupid bird.

Bird attacks usually consist of swoops, dives and chases by common yard birds,
such as mockingbirds, blackbirds and bluejays...Other forms of attacks include
vocal castigations from perching birds; "mobbing" or ganging-up on the victim,
which crows may do; or intentional defecation or regurgitation on the victim,
which may occur in areas of concentration, such as rookeries.

At first it was just the squawks. So Dave turned the hose on her. She was gone for a few days and then she came back and brought friends, three of them. I tried to ignore her, but today she dove at my head and flapped me with her wings. Can you believe the nerve of the squatting bird? She doesn't even pay rent here. According to the article quoted above, the only thing left for her to do is intentionally defacate or regurgitate on me. This is war. We will see who intentionally defacates on who.